


Metodey, gaming

by SeventhAgent



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp, Bugs & Insects, Comedy, Edelgard texting, Gen, Heresy, Hm-hm-hm!, Hubert Von Vestra's Very Accurate Mii, Identity Theft (semi-accidental), Metoday, Metodey does not eat bugs okay why would you say something like that, Metodey is a True Gamer, Terrible Fanfiction, Theft, Treason, Twitch Streaming, it is a villager actually but i don't care, mobile gaming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:01:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 834
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22935238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeventhAgent/pseuds/SeventhAgent
Summary: Metodey takes a day off from Metodey business to do a little streaming on the popular gaming website, Twitch. It is a terrible idea. Nobody stopped him in time. Sorry. (For Metoday 2020)
Relationships: Metodey (Fire Emblem) / Cherry (Animal Crossing)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	Metodey, gaming

**Author's Note:**

> this story is canon. my dad told me, he works at Microsoft.

_ (The stream begins. The screen is currently black. There is only a voice and, in the corner, a badly compressed but astonishingly smug face.) _

Hm-hm-hm! How delicious. I can hardly believe my eyes! I've only  _ just _ entered this new world to conquer, the world of hardcore gaming, and already I've gained three viewers in my "chat." Yesssss. Welcome to my world, to my saga. Bear witness to the fruit of my efforts.

_ (The chat explodes into POGCHAMP reacts. There are only three or four people in the chat, but they are all unnervingly enthusiastic about Metodey. It is unclear where the fuck they came from, even.) _

What might I play, you may ask? What game shall I  _ annihilate _ before you? I agonized over this question, and many more, over the past ten-to-fifteen minutes! A game of war tickled my fancy, but--ha, no! Why simulate warfare when I can immerse myself in the stench of blood and aridacious fire whenever I wish? A tactician of my caliber hardly requires simulated practice at a computer, no matter how fine the gaming rig.

Perhaps, then, I could become a mogul in the amusement park business....

_ (People are beginning to leave the chat) _

...but what thrills could those rides offer that could possibly compare to--to--alright, yes, well, I'm playing  _ Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp _ . I took Hubert's phone. He isn't using it right now, after all. 

_ (CHAT: Because you took it?) _

Hahahahaha anyway. Yes. Let's see, now. I'm this little...creature, here. Hmm.

_ (The villager looks quite like Hubert, actually. Hubert has a hidden talent with creating Miis.) _

Horrible little thing, isn't it? Hold on, let me--

_ (Hubert Mii begins to run in circles around orange trees.) _

Look at him! What a fool. Laugh at me  _ now, _ why don't you,  _ Hubert? _ Who's in control NOW? 

_ (This sort of thing continues for about five minutes.) _

\-- _ my obsequious little puppet!  _ Geheheheheheh! Now. The game. Chat tells me that I should, ah, find this "Cherry"? I see no cherries. Only oranges and apples.

_ (CHAT: shes the hot goth dog shes at the river rn) _

Is she a hot dog or a cherry? Mad. The lot of you are mad. But I will remember your ridiculous suggestions. Perhaps someday I will deign to listen to them.

_ (Metodey goes to the river eleven seconds later) _

This "Cherry" wants insects from me. Why does she want so many insects? Are they poisonous or...oh, of course. Why does  _ anyone _ want insects, when you get right down to it? And the spiderweb on her clothing--a dead giveaway! I can see why you find her so attractive, my friends. So  _ many _ bugs. What an appetite she has! Eheheheh. Hm. Ah. One moment, actually. I need...water, yes,  _ water _ , and perhaps a good stretch.

_ (Metodey stands up, turns off the video. Several minutes pass. The sound of him sitting, now--the video stays off--and crunching. Crackling. Three or four slurps. The video returns. Metodey wipes his mouth on his sleeve. His eyes are sparkling.) _

Delicious water, yes. So tender and crun--wet. Now, more insects for us. More.  _ More _ . 

_ (Metodey carefully collects bugs for Cherry. He grows quieter, more contemplative.) _

What a fascinating exercise in consumption this game is, is it not? More bugs. More fruit. More materials. Very appealing. And I can see why  _ he _ enjoys it, too. Scurrying about, doing favors for people. I suppose he would like it more if you could poison some of them.

_ (Pauses thoughtfully) _

You know,  _ I  _ would like it more if I could poison some of them.

_ (A notification pops in from the top of the screen. It reads) _

**lady edelgard:** Everything's set for the operation next week right, correct?

**lady edelgard:** You need to make sure this goes off without a hitch.

Ahaha. Uh. Hrm. How does one--just a moment, there seems to be a--is this supposed to be onscreen too?

**lady edelgard:** I know I make jokes about this sort of thing, but really

**lady edelgard:** You're the only person involved who isn't a gigantic idiot.

Ha, quite rude, but I know that she doesn't  _ mean _ it, because--err

**lady edelgard:** Absolutely NO ONE CAN KNOW that we're about to turn on the Church

I believe that I am going to be stopping for the night--

**Bernadetta von Varley** : ive taken this phone from bernadetta, metodey. you squirming little rat. if youve done anything STUPID i will personally

\--but it's been a delicious experience with you all, and I hope to return next week with more--

**Bernadetta von Varley** : pull every single one of your organs up out of your esophagus

\--insect collection and woodland consumption--

**Bernadetta von Varley** : while wielding the blackest magics i know to keep your suffering form alive, incapable of screaming

\--ha, that Bernadetta is certainly a scamp--

**Bernadetta von Varley** : and oh look. here we are, then. metodey.

_ (The microphone picks up the sound of a door creaking open.) _

Ah. Haha. Ha.

_ (The stream cuts off.) _


End file.
